Two years of hell and I'm at the end of my rope. What can I do?

i think you sound like a very smart man. BUT i do believe you could use professional help ( just some one confidential to speak with ) ... you need to get over her asap and it is ruining your life. there is NO way you will ever be with her. even tho im sure she considered a fling or found you attractive. she will not be with some1 14 years younger then her. especially EVER admit this infront of anyone. she would tear you appart as an attempt to hide any facts that she was flirtatous with you. i strongly suggest you find a confidential professional to speak with so you can move on with your life. theres about 3 billion girls in the world. i'm sure someone better will come along. might not seem like that now but i can GAURANTEE YOU it will happen in your lifetime... and dont turn to drinking/drugs it will only mask problems and make them much worse and harder to get out of. goodluck